like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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