White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
