i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
