these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
