Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
