he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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