im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
