at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The air was thick with penises
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
