so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
