there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize