he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
