I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
