I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize