it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
