I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
