I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
