The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
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PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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