fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
