East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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