I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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