I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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