Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
