we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
