I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
