i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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