Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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