ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
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I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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