I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
