how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
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