I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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