Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Im part way to drunk.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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