I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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