I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
