just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
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There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
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All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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