I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
