So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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