John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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