Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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