I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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