it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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