that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
