North Korea, Best Korea!
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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