I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
