As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
