if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
