Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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