she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
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I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
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Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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