the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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