Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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