It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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