I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
