i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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