I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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