I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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