I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
