I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
