Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
