So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
