This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize