Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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