if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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