I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
did i walk over a car last night?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
