My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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