i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
