guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
