We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
