I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
