I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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