Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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