Im at strip club and am horny
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
