Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
