You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
