He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
