Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Randomize
