i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
