And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
