Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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