I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
